1. Your parents are actually, sort of, really crappy. They will talk bad about each other to anyone who will listen, even their children because they see you as an adult friend instead of the baby that they made. The recommended recovery for this certain observation is a tub of ice cream shared with your best friend while both of you complain about how stupid the entire situation is.
2. The movies lied to you. Don’t get me wrong, you still feel the heartbreak that comes with your parents splitting up and you still feel like you could have somehow done something to stop the impending doom that is their love life. But you never see it happening to adult children. The crying into your pillow because you miss your mom or dad is still very much a “thing”, even at the age of 20.
3. You soon learn that you parents will turn back into their weepy 17 year old selves, crying like they’re going through their first true heartbreak. The recommended recovery for this realization is a bottle of wine that you may or may not be sharing with your parent(s). Totally up to you.
4. You will start to think that true love doesn’t exist thanks to watching a 25 year marriage tumble to the ground like a glass house that was struck by rocks. You will turn down date offers and spend too much time standing underneath the scalding water of your shower wondering how in the world you ever thought that Happily Ever After was real.
5. You will have to play sides, accept the angry words your parents say about each other and then tell them exactly what they want to hear because you love both of them and don’t know what to do. Truth be told, you’ll probably never know what to do. You will feel guilty for not defending either of your parents but at some point you realize that them saying mean things about each other is the way they justify the sadness that they’re feeling in the pit of their stomach.